If you've found yourself on this page, chances are you can relate to one (or more) of these scenarios:
You're in a leadership job, yet you still seem to spend a whole lot of time “fitting in” and flexing yourself to do, say and be what is expected of you; and you’re starting to wonder how to be more of yourself without doing an “Eat, Pray Love”.
It's exhausting being “on” all the time and you're sick and tired of having to wear so many damn hats and spinning so many damn plates – why can’t there just be ONE hat and seriously, can’t someone else help with the plates? Maybe you should just get up earlier and work a bit harder, that’ll sort it, right?
You're pretty sure you had a dream for your life when you were younger, but somewhere along the way it’s turned into achievements, accolades and ambition, and you’re starting to wonder what the “big vision” is now. Where did the dream go?
You keep meaning to go back to yoga / spinning, but if only you could get over your compulsion to volunteer for all the things, all the time – the superhero cape is wearing a bit thin and even you are starting to get tired of meeting everyone else’s needs but your own.
BELONGING TO YOURSELF ISN'T JUST DESIRABLE, IT'S ESSENTIAL; IT ISN'T JUST AN ACT OF REBELLION, IT'S AN ACT OF REVOLUTION!
So, what is belonging to yourself exactly?
I believe that belonging to yourself could be our most important goal.
And one of our hardest.
As humans we crave a sense of belonging; belonging in our families, belonging in our workplaces, belonging in our communities and belonging in the world at large (that last one is a real toughie).
In a world where fitting in, pleasing, performing and “sucking it up” has become the norm, belonging unashamedly to yourself is a pure and simple act of revolution. And a note on us “alpha-types”: we like to think we lead the way, and for the most part we do, but we aren’t exempt from this at all, in fact I would argue that we need this work more than most.
There is no prescription for belonging to yourself, no magic drug, and my path will be completely different to yours. I work with The Four Pillars of Belonging with my clients, as I strongly believe this supports them on their journey to live, love and lead in a way that is aligned with their true selves.
The Four Pillars of Belonging
PILLAR ONE: KNOW yourself = Deep and inclusive foundations
PILLAR TWO: Take CARE of Yourself = A great builder and decorator
PILLAR THREE: BE Yourself = Sustainable heating & lighting
PILLAR FOUR: Take RESPONSIBILITY for Yourself = Beautiful exposed brickwork and some arse-kicking wallpaper
HAPPINESS COMES FROM LIVING AS YOU NEED TO, AS YOU WANT TO. AS YOUR INNER VOICE TELLS YOU TO. HAPPINESS COMES FROM BEING WHO YOU ACTUALLY ARE INSTEAD OF WHO YOU THINK YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE.
- feeling exhausted all the time, you could feel energised and spend time doing things that bring you little moments of joy.
- always "playing nice" and not rocking the boat, you could have the tough conversations, make the tough calls and not have to be "a bitch" as a result.
- playing according to "everyone" else's rules, doing, thinking and being what is expected of you, you could get to the heart of what it really means to be you and then live the hell out of that!
- sticking to your guns and living in your "right and wrong" thinking, you could learn to be flexible, live the ebb and flow dance of what it means to be a human being.
- doing all-the-things, all-the-time for everyone else, you could embrace your "Hell Yes's" and your "Hell No's" and live your boundaries (#ditchthecape).
- beating yourself for not ticking it off, not being __whatever__ enough, being too fat, too thin, too slow, too fast, too loud, too quiet or just TOO everything, you could give yourself a break, show yourself some compassion and live a bit.
This is not anywhere near as unachieveable as you might think once you start the work of belonging to yourself and living, loving and leading your way.
BUT WHY WORK WITH ME?
Because I’ve been in those shoes; the exhausted but soldiering on shoes, the scared of standing out too much and simultaneously scared of fitting in shoes, the searching for the elusive “next high” but never quite finding contentment shoes, and the desperate for something to be different but just not knowing where to start shoes. Rinse and repeat!
I’ve been that leader, that senior manager, I’ve spun those plates and juggled those balls. For years I was a fixer-upper, strapping on my cape and parachuting (often uninvited) into other people’s dramas and challenges, trying to fix partners’ shortcomings, being (in)famous for my problem solving (I am awesome at problem solving), but never quite looking at ME. And it all nearly broke me.
I’m an agitator, a disruptor of the status quo by nature so I don’t think I was ever meant to thrive within an organisation, but boy do I wish I had found a way to develop my personal leadership when I was - that was 15 years of my working life.
I created my coaching packages and the Four Pillars as it’s what I needed and still need on a daily basis. None of us need fixing, we just need to learn how to live, love and lead our way, and in a way that doesn’t result in us murdering the CEO, going off for a good cry in the loos or doing an “Eat, Pray, Love” (although if that is your thing, go for it, it looked incredible).
I ended up working with a coach in 2014 and I’ve never looked back. There have been very few times when I haven’t been working with someone, and I can’t tell you how important it has been to my personal and professional growth in the last few years.
This is not a journey for the fainthearted, it's less of a gentle stroll through a meadow of flowers and more of an epic scramble into the unchartered territory of discomfort and vulnerability. At the same time, showing up for humankind, while maintaining a firm but flexible grip on what it means to be 100% you. Piece of cake, right?
MAYBE NOT, BUT WE’VE GOT THIS!
LIVE, LOVE & LEAD
My signature four-month package. Our work will be centred on the Four Pillars of Belonging and creating a home of belonging to yourself within your life.
COACHING, COFFEE & CAKE
Three of my favourite things to do, this half-day intensive in-person session can kick off longer term coaching or tackle a meaty challenge in a big way.
See special limited Nov/Dec 2018 offer!
My Coaching Philosophy
I believe that belonging to yourself is an act of revolution that will bring about a wider belonging in our communities that we have all yet to feel.
I value honesty over comfort, freedom over domination and audacity over complacency – especially when it comes to challenging the status quo.
My role is to help you empower yourself with the understanding and belief needed to be 100% yourself in any given situation. To support you to develop your Four Pillars of Belonging to Yourself, so that you can LIVE, LOVE and LEAD in a way that feels great to you.
I will ask you to challenge and stretch yourself, ask questions that take you outside of your comfort zone and disrupt the status quo; whilst at the same time helping you to understand and nurture yourself, take responsibility for yourself and most importantly, be yourself in every way (even the ones you might think are a bit “shitty”).
I am not here to “fix” you (you’re not broken), I don’t have all the answers and I won’t do the work for you. That being said, I will listen, reflect and work with you as you explore what it really means to be you in all aspects of your life. You are the expert in your life.
My approach is integrative and experience-based and I’m sure my coaching style is not for everyone, nor would I want it to be - I don't want to "fit in" or curry favour just to be liked or successful in my industry. I wholeheartedly believe, as with any service I provide or promote, that your decision to go forward and work with me should be a whole-bodied "hell yes" or you should keep looking until you find the package, programme or person that is right for you. I believe 100% in the power of the work we will do together and you need to too!