You have to belong to yourself first


🍂You have to belong to yourself first🍂

This is the core of my message.

Before you look to belong to any group, place or situation, you must first belong to yourself.

As human beings we have a fundamental need to belong and to connect to each other, and true belonging begins with belonging to yourself first.

Not belonging to yourself wears many hats: overworking, people-pleasing, plate-spinning, over-proving, meeting everyone else’s needs before your own and many more.

I believe that belonging to yourself isn't just desirable, it's essential; it isn't just an act of rebellion against the “system”, it's an act of revolution!

I believe that each and every one of us has not just a right, but a responsibility, to do the work to belong to ourselves, so that we can show up in this complex world, able to do our work with others (whatever that work may be).

I work as a Personal Leadership Coach to help Extraordinary Humans to belong to themselves. I use the Four Pillars of Belonging to support my clients to build a home within themselves, and to live, love & lead, their way.

Have you built a home within yourself that you love and that allows you to be 100% YOU?

Why does “belonging to yourself first” even matter?

If I start with the premise that we humans have a primal need to belong, are “engineered” to be social creatures that collaborate, connect and belong in social groups, our current epidemic of separation, disconnectedness and “othering” in society are cause for real worry.

There are many other things at play here than just belonging to yourself and this post isn’t the place to unpick them all. It’s my heartfelt understanding and belief from my reading, short research project earlier in 2018 and working with clients for the last two years, that for us to feel a true sense of belonging in our families, workplaces and societies, that we must first belong to ourselves.

For us to have boundaries at work and at home and not run ourselves into the ground; for us not to have to people-please to feel accepted or to “fit in”; for us not to take on all-the-goddamn-work all-the-goddamn-time just to feel we’ve earned our place at the table – we must belong to ourselves first.

Belonging to ourselves first looks like KNOWing yourself, taking CARE of yourself, taking RESPONSIBILITY for yourself and BEING yourself (the 4 pillars I talked about yesterday), so that you can show up to the world 100% as YOU.

And YES, with all the discomfort, vulnerability and courage that this takes.

So why DOES it matter? I would flip that around and say it is one of the things today that matters more than anything. We have a huge tear in our world and to quote my lovely friend Sas, “when it feels like the world is on fire”, we have to do what we can one-by-one and day-by-day.

I believe that by me doing my work to belong to myself, and you doing yours – we can show up to the table ready to help mend that tear and build connection from separation, trust from fear and create a world that we’d actually want to leave behind for generations to come.

So y’know, it's just a little thing.

Have you signed up for my FREE three-week course YOUR values | YOUR life yet? Your Core Personal Values are one of the bricks in the first pillar of Four Pillars of Belonging to Yourself "KNOW Yourself"; when we live, love and work in a way that honours our values, we feel safe and fulfilled. Are you living, loving and leading aligned to your Core Personal Values? Click on the image to find out more.